


One In Ten

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Ficlet, Gen, M/M, Mental Illness, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 07:30:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8480899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering." - Ernest Hemingway





	

**Author's Note:**

> _Please_ don’t read this if you’re even remotely suicidal. Please seek professional help or reach out to a loved one.  
>  I know this ficlet may seem a little out of character for Jack, but if you follow my BPD!Jack AU/headcanon stuff (basically where Jack has borderline personality disorder) on my Tumblr page, it’s actually kind of in character. And before anyone gets mad at me for portraying mental illness in a negative light- *I* have BPD. And I did in fact try to kill myself 8 years ago. So this is more or less a vent fic. But whatever. The title is based on the statistic that one in ten people with BPD attempts suicide. Not sure how true that is though, but then there’s me so…  
> I listened to “Skinny Love” by Birdy while writing this. It may be depressing, I’m sorry.

It was supposed to be a day like any other. It was a free weekend for them, and Brock intended on making every moment count. He was gonna take Jack out for the night and get them both plastered, go back to his place and order takeout before settling in to make stupid commentary on even stupider movies. Maybe they’d make out, or maybe they’d just hang out. It wouldn’t matter as long as they were close. Brock still hadn’t said anything, but he had finally accepted the fact that he loved Jack, that tall quiet man who only ever cracked reluctant smiles for him alone. 

Which was why he had made this plan to surprise Jack. His boyfriend was just about as emotionally open as a rock. Even when he revealed too much, he tried to hide, embarrassed of his own humanity. Brock wasn’t much better, but that was beside the point. Jack had seemed especially closed off lately, snapping at anyone who took notice. It was clear something was bothering him, but no matter how many times Brock asked, Jack would not say a word. Except the day prior, Jack had suddenly seemed better, calmer. He smiled and talked with Brock and was actually more open than usual. But Brock still wanted to make sure he was okay. As much as he had tried so hard not to, he had come to care so much about Jack. So damn much it was almost a weakness. 

So today, Brock went to Jack’s place later in the evening, knocking and waiting for an answer. When there was none, he pulled the extra key from out of a potted plant and unlocked the front door himself. He hoped Jack wasn’t busy or gone out somewhere already. 

“Honey, I’m home!” Brock chimed playfully, chuckling to himself, as he entered and closed the door behind him, “Where ya at, Jackie-boy? We got shit to do tonight!” 

He made his way through the house, whistling, and looked around for Jack. Room by room, he searched. “You better be home, fucker! I’ve been wanting to check out that new brewery for awhile now, and I’ve been waiting on your lazy ass!” he huffed, albeit playfully. 

He was down to two rooms and finally made his way to the bathroom, finding the door slightly ajar and the lights on. “Ah, there you are. You shoulda said somethin’,” he spoke as he moved to push the door wide open, “I damn near had to play hide and seek with.. you-“ 

Brock’s breath caught in his throat and he paled at the sight before him. In most situations, even the most stressful and dangerous, he could always react quickly and precisely, taking the best course of action and rolling with the punches. He was a professional, and he almost always knew what to do. But this was not most situations. 

Jack was laying back in the tub, still with the water up to his chest and his arms on either edge of the tub. It would have seemed like a normal scene. Except that there were long vertical lines going down Jack’s forearms, the skin split with red dripping steadily out. The water in the tub had clouded with the thick red from Jack’s arms that had steadily invaded most of the tub. 

Brock didn’t even notice the gun on the counter or the open bottles of Jack’s medications dumped into the sink. All he could see was Jack, laid still and silent and pale. He felt his heart drop to his stomach and his stomach drop to the floor. 

“Jack???” he breathed frantically as he rushed over to Jack and fell to his knees beside the tub, panicked as he tried to assess the situation from a non-emotional perspective- and failed, “Oh god, oh god, oh god..!” He grabbed at the nearest towels before grabbing Jack’s arms and pressing the towels to them firmly, though his hands shook. “Jack, Jesus Christ, Jack, who did this to you??” he trembled in his throat, refusing to believe that Jack- strong powerful Jack- would have ever done this to himself, “It- It’s okay, baby, it’s okay, we’ll get you help, we’ll get- just hold on-!” 

Brock wrapped the towels around Jack’s arms before snatching his cell phone from his pocket, quickly calling 911 and directing them to their location, briefly explaining the severity of the situation before tossing the phone aside. 

“C’mon, Jack, wake up, you gotta wake up!” he continued, reaching out to shake Jack’s broad shoulders, “Baby, please! You can’t sleep, you can’t sleep!” 

He smacked Jack’s cheek lightly, trying to get him to open his eyes. “No no no no..!” he choked out, “Jack, you gotta- you gotta- please, please wake up, I’m begging you..” 

Heated wetness flooded his eyes and blurred his vision, as he desperately tried to wake Jack. “We- We’ll get you a new therapist, we’ll- we’ll get you help, okay? We’ll get you to the hospital, you’ll be okay- you’ll be okay- you’ll..” 

The gravity of the situation hit him like a semi-truck. This was not something he fix, not a day he could turn around, not a mission he could salvage. This was it. It was over. It was forever. 

“You..” Brock’s voice cracked as the tears flowed over, racing down his cheeks in salty rivulets, “You- stupid fucking asshole! How could you do this? How- How could you do this to me??” 

He pounded a fist on Jack’s chest and yelled. “Fuck you, Jack! Fuck you!!” he practically screamed, “You were mine, you were what I wanted, and you just- you just fucking left! You said we could make things work! You fucking- liar!!” 

Rough breaths left him in sobs he tried to hold down, shoulders heaving with each one. “You promised, Jack..! You promised..” 

He moved close to pull Jack’s lifeless body into his arms. No pulse, no breath, no heartbeat. Bloodied water wet his shirt. “Don’t leave me..” he begged, and buried his face in Jack’s neck as he held him close and let the tears continue to flow quietly. 

There was no note. 

Any red flags had been missed. 

And now it was all over. 

Mission failed.

**Author's Note:**

> Here are suicide helplines, worldwide. 
> 
> Albania: 127  
> Argentina: (54-11) 4758-2554  
> Australia: 13 11 14  
> Austria: 142  
> Barbados: (246) 4299999  
> Belgium: 106  
> Botswana: 3911270  
> Brazil: +55 51 211 2888  
> Canada - Greater Vancouver: 604-872-3311  
> Canada - Toll free-Howe Sound/Sunshine Coast: 18666613311  
> Canada - TTY: 1-866-872-0113  
> Canada - BC-wide: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)  
> China: 0800-810-1117  
> China (Mobile/IP/extension users): 010-8295-1332  
> Croatia: (01) 4833-888  
> Cyprus: +357 77 77 72 67  
> Denmark: +45 70 201 201  
> Estonia (1): 126  
> Estonia (2): 127  
> Estonia (3): 646 6666  
> Fiji (1): 679 670565  
> Fiji (2): 679 674364  
> Finland: 01019-0071  
> France: (+33) (0)9 51 11 61 30  
> Germany (1): 0800 1110 111  
> Germany (2): 0800 1110 222  
> Germany (youth): 0800 1110 333  
> Ghana: 233 244 846 701  
> Greece: (0) 30 210 34 17 164  
> Hungary: (46) 323 888  
> India: 2549 7777  
> Ireland (1): +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90  
> Ireland (2): +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92  
> Ireland (3): 1850 60 90 90  
> Ireland (4): 1850 60 90 91  
> Israel: 1201  
> Italy: 199 284 284  
> Japan (1): 03 5774 0992  
> Japan (2): 03 3498 0231  
> Kenya: +254 20 3000378/2051323  
> Liberia: 06534308  
> Lithuania: 8-800 2 8888  
> Malaysia (1): (063) 92850039  
> Malaysia (2): (063) 92850279  
> Malaysia (3): (063) 92850049  
> Malta: 179  
> Mauritius: (230) 800 93 93  
> Namibia: (09264) 61-232-221  
> Netherlands: 0900-0767  
> New Zealand (1): (09) 522 2999  
> New Zealand (2): 0800 111 777  
> Norway: +47 815 33 300  
> Papua New Guinea: 675 326 0011  
> Philippines: 02 -896 - 9191  
> Poland (1): +48 527 00 00  
> Poland (2): +48 89 92 88  
> Portugal: (808) 200 204  
> Samoa: 32000  
> Serbia: 32000  
> Singapore: 1800- 221 4444  
> South Africa: 0861 322 322  
> Sweden (1): 020 22 00 60  
> Sweden (2): 020 22 00 70  
> Switzerland: 143  
> Thailand: (02) 713-6793  
> Ukraine: 058  
> United Kingdom (1): 08457 909090  
> United Kingdom (2): +44 1603 611311  
> United Kingdom (3): +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92  
> United Kingdom (4): 1850 60 90 90  
> United Kingdom (5): 1850 60 90 91  
> United States of America: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)  
> Zimbabwe (1): (263) 09 65000  
> Zimbabwe (2): 0800 9102


End file.
